Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
