You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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