just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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