I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
