woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
