Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
