I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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