help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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