Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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