He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
