No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
