If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
