I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize