So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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