Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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