he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
im on a boat
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