And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
