Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
