It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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