NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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