Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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