I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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