I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
