There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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