My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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