Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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