Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
