the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
