you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
