It's Friday. Sex?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
