ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
