This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
