He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
