i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
