There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
