Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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