Nicole vs. Life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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