The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
