Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
