i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
