me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
