you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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