pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
