Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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