Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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