I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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