Sry I called you an 8
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
