The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
