The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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