after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
