I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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