ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
