but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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