I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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