proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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