A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
