To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
