remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
