happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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