Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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