honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
