I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't want my vagina anymore.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
