I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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