If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
