You can't special order awesome
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
