I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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