I have demons in me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
