she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
