I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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