then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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