But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
