I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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