are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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